In my book I share how I eventually recovered the memories and began to heal the root cause. Consequently, I am committed to heightening awareness about child and sexual abuse for people of any age. We cannot heal…until we feel and release the pain and shame. That is when the light of hope begins to emerge.
After years of inner dialog about whether to share my healing and spiritual journey with others I finally did it. My biggest stumbling block was a nagging uncertainty about why anyone would be interested in my path when it is akin to so many wounded warriors out there.
My hubs David remained my encourager as did clients utilizing our personal development services through our company Fresh Beginnings. During private life coaching sessions and facilitating groups I shared with appropriate disclosure about the daunting challenges I transformed and how becoming whole opened avenues for me to share my experiences with others. David’s encouragement about the validity of the book eventually dissolved my resistance to writing the memoir.
The muses continued to nudge me to take a leap of faith and just do it as well. In September 2004 clarity broke through and I announced to my hubs David that I was ready to do it and that I did.
After 7 long months of intense writing I finished the first draft…35 chapters and 500 pages later my book I’ve Been There…A Testimony of Hope emerged.
The larger message of my story is one of hope and that is why I chose to share it. In one of my meditations I was given a significant message. Whenever anyone is tested and masters the challenges they have a moral obligation to offer the benefit of their experiences to others who may be facing similar struggles. It was, and still is the reason for making my life “an open book for others to see, possibly judge, use or reject.
When I discovered Sarah McLaughlin’s body of work the lyrics and haunting melodic compositions resonated with me then and now. The link to her playlist are visual mirrors for different chapters in my life. The song Perfect Girl is something I tried to be in my youth. As with most young people I desperately sought love and acceptance from my parents but within their own wounded-ness they were incapable of ever meeting me at that point of need. Through my personal and spiritual growth I now accept know that perfection is an illusion and whenever we try to be something other than we are we innately are it creates an alienation of Self.
The lyrics to the Gloomy Sunday video remind us that humanity shares some basic common needs–to be loved, accepted, respected and understood. When those aspects are missing we strive for unrealistic ideals of perfection and fail.
For more information about my book check out the website at http://www.ibtbook.com
For information about our personal development company Fresh Beginnings the website link is: www.fresh-beginnings.com
Lyrics: Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong in your reverie a perfect girl Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool all you expectations bury me Chorus: Don’t worry you will find the answer if you let it go give yourself some time to falter But don’t forgo knowing that you’re loved no matter what and everything will come around in time I own my insecurities I try to own my destiny That I can make or break it if I choose But you take my words and twist them ’round ’til I’m the one who brings you down Make me feel like I’m the one to blame for all of this.
Chorus You need everybody with you on your side Know that I am here for you but I hope in time You’ll find yourself alright alone You’ll find yourself with open arms You’ll find yourself you’ll find yourself in time The riot in my heart decideded to keep me open and alive I have to take myself away from you ’cause I can’t compete I can’t deny there’s nothing that I didn’t try. How did I go wrong in loving you.